Love and Marriage. As Sinatra may say.

Revelations. Many revelations this month.

The fashion of men walking back into my life has continued; none of which has been welcomed. It has only reaffirmed something I've always known: men want what they can't have.

First of all it was Ex Boy: haven't heard from him since the 4am text (more of him later.) Then it was F2 (more of him later also). Then came along The Soul mate. Hadn't heard from this one in months. He now has a girlfriend but has appears to think nothing of texting and calling me telling me how he misses me. Amazing. Then came along a friend of Ex Boy.

It's like the bus theory. You wait ages for one, then three come along at once. Same with men. The funny thing is, I'm not one bit interested in any who have come back into my life. They are all single handedly playing a game, wanting the chase; each wanting to taste victory. I'm not interested in games though, and I never have been.

Even more amazing is the only one who has occupied my thoughts to some degree is Ex Boy. I have two theories for this.

1. He appears to now be ignoring me, leading to the 'wanting what you can't have' theory (granted I haven't even attempted calling him in eight months) but he has rejected a friends request from me on a social networking site he is on ; a little pointless as we share a large amount of friends, and are bound to bump into one another at some point.

2. He was my love: it could simply be that I miss him. But, no it's not that. I don't miss him. It's more of a sadness of how the love we once felt for each other is now completely gone. I'm sure he doesn't feel sad though. Only me. I don't even want to be with him anymore. He pisses me off and I know he feels the same about me. We piss each other off. It doesn't stop us from still finding one another attractive, but that page has turned.

So back to F2. Well, this one really takes the biscuit. I've met a lot of less than charming men, but I think F2 just about manages to top them all. I massively regret going anywhere near him.

He knows nothing about me, which I am now really quite happy about. A lot of my girlfriends have said I should call him up, and 'give him a piece of my mind', but what's the point? It would only fall on deaf ears. It wouldn't fundamentally change him as a person. I'm going to carry on acting just as I have since we first met. Dignified.

It may sound a cop out to not inform him what a horrible piece of work he is before deleting him from my life, but it's the opposite. He doesn't deserve my tears, let alone my words.

Nope, I'm over bastards, and I'm over wanting what I can't have.

I know it's part of the human condition to want what we can't have - be it a pair of strappy sandals we can't afford, a chocolate cake we know we shouldn't eat, or a man we know we can't have, but I truly don't. I may want the cake and the sandals, but not the man.
If a man gives me his number and I contact him, he gets one chance to reply. If he doesn't reply then, the number is deleted, and the man is forgotten. Simple. I believe a mans contact to be a reflection of who they are as a person - certainly, too much is unattractive, but too little implies they believe you to be something they can pick up when the mood takes them. Tut tut.
It's also a very simple and effective way to find out who is genuine and who isn't. I found out who were the genuine men in my life this month when I was unexpectedly admitted to hospital. The ones who didn't ask if I was 'okay' were deleted.

I don't like how men in London deem it appropriate behaviour to date three or four women at the same time: Sex and the City culture. It started in America and now it's moved over here; it's becoming an epidemic. What ever happened to just enjoying one persons company and taking the time to get to know them? Everything is too fast paced: it's like you get one date, and you're on trial. If it doesn't go well, then you are immediately sentenced to the next date. Plenty more fish in the sea and all, but no....NO.....NO. I don't like it. It's tedious, I can't bare it. I'm aware that my views appear to be somewhat old fashioned, but I don't care. People are far too quick to throw things away.

Divorce is one in three now- the same rate as Cancer. Cancer kills everyone; just as everyone knows someone who has had Cancer, everyone knows someone who is divorced. Why is it then that most of our Grandparents are still together? Because quitting has never been an option to them.

I asked one of my Father's friends - who is like a second Grandfather to me- how he had managed to stay married for over fifty years, and if he still loves his wife. "Divorce isn't something our generation can comprehend. Our parents were married for the entirety of their lives', just as theirs were before them, and those before those, and so on. Love isn't always passion. It's doing things for someone else, and staying with them until the end. Your generation are always in pursuit to find something better. Sometimes there is no 'better', sometimes, it's what you already have." He told me that two years ago and it's just as vivid in my memory now as it was when he said it.

Until I lost both grandparents on my fathers side two years ago, I could say that both sets had been married for more than fifty years. Talking to my Dad's friend made me realise just how much I want to grow old with someone, and feel safe in the comfort that they won't want to leave me when something better comes along. I don't care what I achieve or become in life, the two things I will strive to most successful at are, being a wife and a mother. Those would be my greatest achievements.

So here's to you, all the men who want what you can't have: save it, because I'll be holding out for a man who appreciates what is already stood before him.

Many more buses may arrive at my stop, but at least now I know which one I should be on board with.